She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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