Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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