is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
