Non-Jews are for practice
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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