Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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