omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
