The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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