i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
