Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
