so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
