I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
