you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
