That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This girl is more easily done than said...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize