It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
