omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
