I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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