Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
