The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize