Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
