It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
