No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
