Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
