So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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