There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
