Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
