Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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