i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His nipple licking is glorious
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