Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
being pregnant is like rehab
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
