I wish I could teleport
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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