Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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