no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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