Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
