I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize