At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
