i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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