Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
