so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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