Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
