you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
