...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
