I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
