i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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