I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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