dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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