I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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