please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
