Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize