I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
