Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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