I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
