I'm so fucking centered right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize