So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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