Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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