Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
