FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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