Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
