Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
