How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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