i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
