okay pat passed out under dana's car
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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