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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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