you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize