Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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