i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Actions speak louder than pants.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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