Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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