dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
