Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
