Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
