Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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