I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
