Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
