4 words: hood of his car
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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