How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
