I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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