I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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