Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
