Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
where are you?
Hypothermia
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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